So forgive me for being spare with my revelations this time; I don't want to drag my husband into anything he does not want to be dragged into. But this much, I can confess: For years, sex has been a difficult issue with me.
It's because for years, I've been trying to be a good girl, to honor my kids and husband and my God. But I was born in a generation where sex has been portrayed by our movies and books as something that makes people closer to wild animals than to angels. So if we want to be closer to angels than animals, what happens to sex?
Identifying the lie
As any soap opera viewer knows, lies wreak unnecessary suffering into our lives. Small issues become big. What could have been happy lives become filled with sadness.
The idea of sex being an animal thing is a lie that I (and perhaps others in my generation) have swallowed, and I'm sure I'm not the only one who has suffered because of it. But how do you fight a lie that has been pounded into your head almost from the moment you gained consciousness?
Here's how: You bring it face to face with the truth. And thank God, last Monday, I found a book that spoke of the truth.
The Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex
What are some of the truths I've found in this book? Let me give a short list:
- God wants us to have sex. Didn't he tell us to "go forth and multiply"? He wants us to have sex, and what's more, he wants us to enjoy it! How do we know this? Because when He created women, he gave us a clitoris, which serves absolutely no use except to give us sexual pleasure.
- Human sex is a spiritual act before it is a physical act. For women, especially, it does not begin with a burning in the loins. It begins with a burning in the spirit, a burning desire to let your husband know that you love him and you want to be one with him. It takes time for the body to catch up -- but it will, if you give it a chance.
Oh, and by the way, since sex is a spiritual act rather than a physical act, your husband is not lying when he says he finds you sexy. You're his wife. He's built his life and dreams around you. His very spirit is one with yours. What could be sexier than that? (And how could it be that men seem to understand this better than we do?)
- Marriage makes sex clean. It doesn't matter what you did or what was done to you before you got married. Remember the Sacrament of Confession you received before your marriage rites? It forgave all your sins. God said so, and he never lies. It turned over a new leaf for you. From that moment on, you were clean.
And you remember the Sacrament of Matrimony? It gave you special privileges. The moment you were married, you and your husband received this huge license to give pleasure to each other in your marriage bed. You can touch, kiss, nibble, and lick anywhere you want, as long as it's really what you both want and not just what one of you saw in some pornographic material.
If the Sacrament of Confession made you clean in the eyes of God, the Sacrament of Matrimony made you clean in the eyes of men. Even if you had done something in the past that made you feel irrespectable, marriage gave you back that respectability. Believe it.
Let me say it again: Marriage makes sex (and foreplay) clean.
Now there are many other truths that are found in this book, but there is not enough space to list them all.
But to this I will attest: the truth does set you free. And how wonderful freedom feels!
By the way, there is one more thing I love about this book: with the way it is written, I could safely hand it to my kids and let them read it. It is very useful for sex education, as it also deals with the basic sex act, contraceptives, and other things you would want your child to learn about sex but can't find the right words to explain or describe.
Where to get the book
If you would like to know more about The Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex by Sheila Wray Gregoire, click on the link to find it at Amazon.com. It cost me $11.68 (almost P500) to download my copy into my PC (no shipping fees!), and it's been soooo worth it. (No, I will not elaborate on that.)