Feb 8, 2014

My Very Imperfect Husband, and Why I Love Being Married to Him

Bride And Groom
(Image by Cieleke)
Valentine’s Day is coming soon. In a few days, Facebook will be inundated with public declarations of affection, and we whose husbands are not so demonstrative will be on the sidelines wondering, “Why is her husband so perfect and mine is so not?”

Their perfect husbands

One thing I’ve realized very recently is that partner envy is a very common pain.

On social media, people post everything that is good in their lives and hide away everything that is not.

Not only do we seldom hang our dirty laundry in public, but now most of us (myself included) like to give the impression that we only have brand new designer clothes in our closets. And yet, when we see people showing only their relationship’s good side, we wonder, “Why doesn’t my husband…

  • …bring me out on dates every week (or month, or year)?”
  • …send me flowers at the office?”
  • …compliment my selfies?”
  • …hug me more often?”
  • …make public declarations of his love for me?”
  • etc.

We forget that what we’re seeing are the washed and pressed (and starched) clothes. The laundry hamper, of course, is full too, but it is hidden.

My imperfect husband

I have a confession to make: I am married to a very imperfect man. How imperfect?

  • Since 2012, he’s only taken me out on a date once – and it was I who orchestrated it.
  • The last time we went to a movie was before I gave birth to our now nine-year-old son.
  • He thinks hugs are only good for foreplay.
  • Our total conversation time per week is 15 minutes max.
  • When I made a long, mushy declaration of love for him on Facebook, he replied by clicking on “Like.”
  • Last Christmas, when I wore the blouse he had bought for me even if it wasn’t my style, simply because I wanted to please him, his only comment was, “Don’t you have better pants than that?”
  • Unlike my friends’ husbands, he does not lead us in prayer, and he does not bring us to church.

Why I love being married to him

If I could design the perfect husband, it would probably be very different from the husband that I have. I would probably have designed a husband who loves, honors, and obeys me, and makes sure the public hears about it every day of the week.

But despite my husband’s glaring imperfections, I know he loves me. How?

  • When I ask him to bring home siopao, he does.
  • When he messes up, he brings home siopao even without me asking for it.
  • He once gave me three pots of cactus because he knows I despise flowers.
  • When I get all hot tempered with the kids, he intervenes, tells me to take a break, and faces the kids himself.
  • He fully supports (without necessarily approving of) my quirky desires to homeschool the kids until college, and raise rabbits for meat, and someday live in Bukidnon.
  • After giving me four beautiful children, he pretended to be as disappointed as I was after the pregnancy test showed I was not pregnant with our fifth.

As much as I would like to continue my paean to my imperfect husband, I don’t want to contribute fuel to more partner envy.

The point I wish to make is that even if our husbands don’t express love for us in the way we want them to, they do express their love for us in the way they know how.

Rather than hoping they will learn to speak our love language, why not learn to understand theirs?

This post is lovingly dedicated to Neil Adlaon, who will definitely not compliment it or even comment on it on Facebook – heck, he probably won’t even read this – but perhaps he will click on Like.

The Nanay Notebook is written by Blessie Adlaon, a work-at-home and homeschooling mom of four. Check out our About page to know more about this blog's author and our policies on advertising, press releases, and reposting.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...